Sun Breed [v0.10] [SuperWriter]

And you’re a person claiming to be a dead man. Who had his own less than savory reputation, regardless of what accomplishments he might hold to said name. Criticism isn’t always, or ever automatically “toxic.” It’s how we learn. If it’s constructive, and offered ernestly. So here’s my two cents since I’ve followed this game from fairly early on:

First, the name Super Writer may in fact be self-aware and deprecating. An attempt at Irony for all I know. The writing is not as bad as I have ever seen, but there are several plot threads that are all over the place. Left way too open, or as yet to be unresolved. There’s the fact that in the story; you play Blade, by any other name you want. Underpowered as fuck. Though sired by a royal level vampire (because of course…) With two full blooded sisters who are also your mates – you get no choice in this really, they’re already yours without input and it’s really only up to you whether you actually get along… in a game that REQUIRES you do so! – and two sisters from a human parent’s side who consider you their brother regardless. By halved blood I’d imagine. You as the MC should THEORETICALLY be able to romance all of them at once. Claim them all as your women, and keep them safe.

However, because of a nebulous threat – thus far – that MC simply will never be able to beat because at base the Dev has NOT clearly provided proper rankings in power, and the ability to guage scales as it stands, you are screwed trying to fight from the start. You also get introduced to a beef wall, that you end up potentially peeving off. Who can take it badly and is more a warning not to try to be too aggressive if you want a good ending. That’s not role play. That’s not player choice. It’s not even an accurate representation of a being that a supernatural police force would let ever even remotely come near being a “special detective.” [By which I mean, stop deus ex-ing the “badass” moments. No; the girls are NOT the ones meant to show off, and if you can’t come up with a decent narrative hook to explain MC being powered up – that ISN’T a mindfuck guaranteed to make the player think they will have to screw themselves out of one set of girls – then scale back the enemies’ power] Remember, there is no point to a story where the only ending is “dead by brick wall.” I’m not looking to make a deal with Cathulu here buddy, and this SHOULD. BE. A. HAREM! Full stop. No choosing between human and vampire: HE. IS. A. DHAMPYR. He is both. At once. He will never not be both, at once. Each group should understand, and accept that point. The MC should instead of lying to the girls for collective period one way or the other, open up about his need to be the DOMINANT. About his feelings that the human fuckwits who think they’re helping him by repressing HALF of what he IS, would actually BE toxic. Do you not have a concept of how innately hurtful that would be? And these two are supposed to be the soft, empathetic ones. Bullshit.

Frankly, while we’re on the subject, since he’s a Dhampyr you can’t use the Vampires can’t have kids rule that’s in place for more stories of this vein than not. He exists, and one of his parents was a vampire. So you may not want to cock tease that kink more than you have done. (Or really any other sex scenes, since they’d be about the only reason to continue downloading this until you get the story straight enough in what you want to achieve that it makes sense to all of us) I care less that there are other factions, than that I don’t know what the hell they want. I don’t know why the MC is more powerful than he should seem. I don’t even know if you will use Diablerie to make him more powerful – which could be an interesting, actually consequencial mechanic that the girls would have to accept based on how much they love you, or reject if you fucked up too much. The answer with VAMPIRES does NOT need to be some shadow demon mother fucker who has a Faustian bargain… and an Igloo in Ecador he wants to sell you. Vampires. Get. Stronger. As. They. Age. In video games, characters. Get. Stronger. As. They. Level. Up. I do not know how much more simply I can lay those base mechanics out. You have two distinct veins right there (I’m not sorry for the pun – and you can stake my life on it bub) for sustainable suspension of disbelief about how the MC could gain the power he needs so that it DOESN’T only have to be the two vampire girls saving his arse, or his human sisters’. Or was already more powerful than he thought to start with, and needed to learn to tap into it. To accept in full the VAMPIRE part of himself – Which again, thanks to his human sisters holding him back with their insistence to “cure” him, you could argue psychosomatically he had his own barriers in place holding back his own power so he wouldn’t scare them away. Boom. You’re done. He has everything he needs, with no super secret definitely gonna come back to bite me some day type dark bargain, the four women he’s trying to keep and protect don’t know about. (Because that’s not about six red flags waiting to happen. He doesn’t need a bad moon rising bro, you didn’t write a werewolf… though while we’re on that subject… yet another potential path for power, and one who likes it doggie style, and may want cubs. Just don’t fuck with her on a bad hair day, she can get pretty wild ; ) )

I would say attribute the killings to a copy cat who wants to make it LOOK like the supernatural threat that took MC’s parents is back; and maybe that copycat will inadvertantly wake the real threat. In due course, but to develop the factions and the politics if you want to keep players guessing the murders should NOT be so obviously pinned on the big black shadow of You Killed My Father, but my name’s Not Inego Montoya… because I’m Batman. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah… Batman! Then again, I think I went for two pence, and ended up decking out a roll of quarters. So there you go. I’m not quite done in willingness to see how this will shape up, but if you won’t start thinking of the greater narrative, and actually giving the audience sexual scenes that progress ALL character developments I can say you’re going to lose a good chunk of the audience you might wish for. I’ve more stuck with this because I have a thing for vampires, and there’s a dirth of any content (nevermind Good) therein.