We Were Just Kids [v0.3.b] [MissFortune]

Whatever you did for the newest update all of the sex scenes so far have come up black screen with “image not found”
Which means SOMETHING is fucked up. Regardless. Just a warning to other players that might waste their gigs trying to see something here. The last time I downloaded this, the story was actively very, VERY frustrating to me for several reasons. One of which being I have my own issues to deal with. I don’t give much of a flying fuck what your characters’ dance in. There are certain things you DON’T have to elaborate on. Ever. In a fantasy setting. Fuck. Me. Sideways.

I would recommend NOT focusing on more than ONE actual protagonist (the others can be Major Characters – but it should be clear who the fuck the core of the story IS about) I would also say do not involve ANY of the girls with any guy but Logan (who should be the MC – since I’ve seen where you take all of the girl characters in your last version and it WASN’T flattering to them at all) Who SHOULD be able to win the heart of EVERY. GIRL. IN. THE. GAME. It should be a harem. Straight up. No feminine dominance bs, no question of who the bloody father is. No crap excuse that Ex girl gets pissed off because MC rightly asserts that she could have been fucking half of the state she was in while he was gone. It might not be true but the KEY is that HE has NO way to know that. Just her word. Do you have any idea how many times paternity results come back negative to the guy who takes them (assuming the poor bastard can even get the woman he’s with to go for it; because legally she bloody well does NOT have to – though it tends not to help her case with her current beau at all if she does not)

So… yeah. Until they fix that issue, and frankly until they fix the story first of all I would say that this one is trying to be too many things. Too many points of view and no clear Dominant. At all. Figure out what you actually want the game to be. Where you want the story to go – and then let the characters tell you as it shapes, who they are. Don’t try to force them to be fuck dolls. That will never suit well for a girl protagonist. It’s insulting to your own gender if you’re a female dev. If your not, well I can’t really say you need a girlfriend… since I haven’t exactly gotten there myself. I can tell you as a writer, you need to be sure of a beginning, the cast, and the end goal. For all of them. Reegan didn’t need to be the I’ll fuck anything that walks girl. The step daughter doesn’t need to play princess between the sheets to get with MC. Victoria would be better off waiting to meet MC… because Lucas has WAY too many issues to be any kind of stable the way you wrote him. That’s a murder scene waiting to happen. Asshole, does NOT mean Dom. It means Asshole. Dominant is something else entirely.

The mother DOES NOT need to want to keep an abusive asshole that she’s aware is abusive. She SHOULD let MC handle the job. Knock him the fuck out; or see him taken away in cuffs. Pronto. I fucking hate demonizing father characters, but if you’re going to – FUCK OFF and REMOVE them. ASAP. Other than that all you’re doing is trying to present an alpha rising, but crippling his arse to start. No bueno. The ex really should have been SHOWN to fuck MC; then TWO WEEKS LATER (after maybe rejecting like two guys that check in to date her) she should take the test. THEN you can try the of course it’s your baby line. Other than that, it could be BULLSHIT. It’s happened in real life too many times. Even in the 1800’s. They used to literally call it Entrapment. Which was not well thought of even at the time. Again; a HAREM would alleviate almost all of this. Straight off. Because then it’s just a matter of whether the Player chooses for a girl to be in it, or not. Also, the teacher really should not automatically be implied to have been fucking her student. It’s MORE than a risk if she gets caught; it’s first her job and depending on how long it’s been going on for given his age range – actual jail time involved. She SHOULD know that. Not just the one. So wait on that until you write in he freaking graduates. Then he can breed her 24/7, and make her wear his collar in front of everyone, with a leash on for all I give a crap. I get that it’s fantasy, but you made this lanky arse damn near murder someone for his step sister… you really want them both to go to prison? Come on… [Going to point out that if Step sis is – eventually – revealed to be so damned focused on MC she DOESN’T need a fucking boyfriend! Especially not a bad one]

If you MUST have Lucas with a girl – first, put them off screen and to the side: HE. IS. NOT. THE. PROTAGONIST. Second, calm his arse the fuck down. Whatever issues you gave him, there are plenty of people who’ve seen the same or worse and don’t act like they will put whatever girl gets near them through the fucking wall. That’s NOT okay. Stalking, is ALSO not okay. Jesus… The story is not unsalvageable, but boy howdy, do you guys REALLY have some work to do here. It’s about as bad as Like A Rockstar… and that’s saying something. (Frankly that game ALSO should have been a Harem. Keep. It. Simple. Sweetheart. Yup, I was nice about it. Just going to point that out)