Secret Pie [v1.6.2 DLC] [Final] [Momentum Games]

Ok, one thing you should immediately know, there are TWO games in this one. One is called ‘Secret Pie’ and the second one is the follow-up, called ‘Secret Pie: Festival’. The stupid thing is, ‘Secret Pie: Festival’ was selected by default and therefore also the one I played first. It’s also the first game you see on the upper left side of your screen. Very confusing. No wonder the story didn’t make any sense! Perhaps it has to do with the developers being Japanese and they read from right to left? Correct me if I’m wrong.

That said, Secret Pie is very Japanese and it might be a challenge for a Westerner to put themselves in the shoes of the main character or not to find the interactions he has with the women somewhat ridiculous. Being shy, obedient, overly apologetic and working yourself to death, might also not resonate with a lot of Western people. The game will also drop some words like ‘hikikomori’, ‘dokkaebi’ and ‘otaku’ on you, so if you’re not familiar with Japanese culture, you might get lost there too. If you play with English subtitles, you can be sure that certain things will get lost in translation, as Japanese is a much more expressive language than English (so I’ve been told).

Even so, let it be no excuse for the utterly brain-dead story. Sex scenes come out of nowhere. There is no build up and no excitement. You have the most uninspiring conversations with these women and the next thing you know they sit on your dick. Just like that. Magic. Seriously, these conversations… my goodness. Literally no one I know talks like that. Even the NPC’s in The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion had better conversations. It’s like all the characters in this game just hit their heads against the pavement and are now suffering from mild concussions.

The sex scenes consist of just one animation and a lot of talking. Goodness gracious, they just won’t shut up! It’s like having sex with a retarded 8 year old girl, with how they all talk, act and the noises they make.

I’m in love with Japan, but this was even a challenge for me. I still soldiered through, because it was visually appealing, the music was pleasant and I liked that it was fully voiced, although I probably should have muted it during the sex scenes (I do have neighbors, you know). Let’s just say that this game is an acquired taste, like manga or anime. As an alternative for DuoLingo, I would recommend it. It’s a nice way to learn more Japanese.