The Grey Dream [Ep. 5 – Steam Halloween Side Story] [TheGreys]

A few points:

First and I will say this until the day I die = It does NOT matter how attractively you render the female characters if ALL of them are either unavailable, unapproachable or ASSHOLES!

Second, the interview: NO ONE hires someone BEFORE the interview without telling the candidate they’ve been hired. It does not work that way, so the entire scene is you being a dick to the player for no reason; and the characters being dickish to the MC. It’s fucking backwards.

The scene with the camera showing Beth as the Mistress you can absolutely fuck right off with. Label it as Femdom content or don’t put it in the game… and while we’re at it: What sort of game is this? Because you’ve already introduced too many hot women to think something’s not going to go wrong if I pursue any of them. If it’s a dating sim, fine. Say so. If it will be a harem = SAY SO. At least put it in the tags so people that want X genre will be able to decide if they download this shit or not. Because I can already tell the story’s not worth the blue balling you’re setting up to focus on it.

Example: Why in the hell did MC “fuck up” with the Boss’ daughter – other than you not knowing how to properly add tension (which SHOULD BE SEXUAL!) Helen DOES NOT need to have been introduced as a previous love interest on his very first day, at his fucking INTERVIEW = WHICH AGAIN WASN’T ONE. She did NOT need to be the boss’ daughter just for a troupe and IF MC was fucking her you should have given the PLAYER the choice as to whether they did or not, and whether to continue that relationship! There’s no reason for her to be so unmitigatedly hostile to MC, with no explanation other than a scene where the two are CLOTHED and close together, that doesn’t even show them fuck. Then blame the MC (because of course it has to be HIS fault – it can never be hers, and she might actually regret having fucked up and ending things, and then be hostile specifically because she can’t deal with the fact she DID fuck up and wants him back… and thinks she can’t have that = which you COULD leave up to player choice without making the MC look bad by the way)

The skater girl didn’t also need to be the one MC can choose to randomly help from a stolen camera – or tied to the barista. Kelly doesn’t need to be automatic friendzone because despite her outward appearance (subtle with the attutide shirt guys, real fucking subtle – and if she wants anything to do with MC; MAKE HER GO FOR IT. That would actually be empowering… Gah)

There didn’t need to be female dominance if you’re not going to include the other way around – which is statistically most likely, what most women want/prefer in general, and frankly puts the power in the player’s hands. Which you SHOULD BE AIMING FOR. It does help retention. Sub counts. You’re pandering to a niche within a niche, within a niche with this bullshit. Beth on the very first day you meet her didn’t need to be caught out on Camera (which is NOT very smart by the way, since she left the fucking thing at her place of employment and she can very much be terminated for such unprofessional conduct – and she should know it) if you’re going to go there then at least realize a girl that values control enough to play at being dominant [which is all that ever is by the way] would also NEVER allow her lewd content to be left lying around. Especially in a context where it could cost her that heavily. You SHOULD make the evidence in the player’s hands EXACTLY how he CAN turn the tables and make her SUBMISSIVE to him. That’s the only way to redeem such dumbassery in story context.

The woman you wrote in as the MC’s target for his FIRST ASSIGNMENT (Which by the way, no one sane would hand something like this over to a guy that’s not proven – he’s set up from the jump to fail. Idiots) did not need to be rendered hot enough to be a super model and I swear to good Christ if you go with a mob angle for her “shady business practices” or involve prostitution I’ll never download another game you assholes make. There needs to be a CREDIBLE way he can either get into her bed and in her good graces to get what he needs from her; or gain it any other way. If you can’t make damned sure that the player succeeds despite whatever skill set you write for the characters who should be able to exemplify said skill set and often don’t – then you’re doing it wrong.

This game DOES need a walkthrough, but it really shouldn’t. It should be about HOW I choose to play the character. There. Should. Be. NO. WAY. TO FAIL. With the girls, or with anything else you put in the game. It should be do you want to bang this girl, or no? That simple. Do you choose to be cunning, or romantic. Business focused first and foremost, or the playboy. You CAN write this as a harem – and I highly doubt you will, but it would be another example of better served if you did. I’ve only played for maybe 20 minutes so far, and the only things I’ve seen are content I don’t want; a kiss on the cheek by captain friendzone, and a nice pair of tits on a secretary I’ve known for one day. Who likely will not even be remotely interested. And while we’re on the subject of walkthroughs and choices = why in the fuck did you write in to ask about the eye if you were just going to be a dick about him actually asking? (ANYONE with half of one functional brain cell, and even someone with Aspergers knows you don’t ask those sorts of questions to some random person. He’s not three years old to get away with it, so why the fuck is it even there???) You want to be that level of dick to the player then I’m surprised you ever got any support at all. Because again; the story is not amazing. You’ve tied an anchor to the MC’s ankles from the start in premise, and despite all the hot women rendered the only thing I see in MC’s future is a set of Frosty’s blue balls.