The Beautiful Game [Ch. 1 v0.8] [Daggum]

In Planned Tags in the Info Tab:

harem, pregnancy

You also state: No NTR & as a KEY POINT –

Some other points of interest:
– This is a harem game. MC will be able to have nice relationships with almost all of the LIs at the same time

LOOK AT THE VERY FIRST PICTURE IN THE DAMNED LIST DEV!!!

First – Harem = I pick the girls I want to be in the harem, and can have anyone I want in the harem. That’s the way that works.

You have listed ONE actual player (the asian chick with the “interesting” tattoos) in the list so far (and the list is way too small to have ever included the actual team – even if it was JUST the team) You DO NOT do that. The TEAM is the draw as far as what you’ve clearly gone for in aesthetics here. I don’t give a fuck about Ivy as the head coach (there are SO MANY problems with her as a character if you actually know anything about business – and she DOES NOT get to be a FEM DOM without Player Input asshole. You have “kinks” for every damned girl listed = only TWO of them are actually something you let us turn off, and they’re the most fucking vanilla ones you can think of! * What the fuck even is Phirya’s kink anyway???)

There should be NO GIRL over the age of 35 IF you’re actually going to do pregnancy content. The girl from HR really needs to be fired (and or re-rendered) because she’s the ugliest one of them all) * It’s not okay for him to “date” the players or anyone else at the business – according to miss DICK MEASURING DOES NOT GET TO HAPPEN IN A HAREM: HE is the LEADER, which he’s NOT going to do if you write him like the COSTUME of Clark Kent = Clark as he actually is, IS still SUPERMAN, he just pretends to be that polite/dorky/clumsy to DISTRACT people. Jesus… – BUT all of the ladies can say or do exactly what he gets randomly accused of being a perv/creep stalker for… FUCK OFF. Do you even know what a double standard is?

If there had been an “incident” beforehand [ and I originally took Kimora (side note; I’ve seen in my whole life exactly ONE dark skinned girl with freckles. She didn’t have more than a light dusting across the cheeks, and she was Ethiopian – You designed a character who has a CELTIC trait, to look black, with a fucking Asian name. How. In the fuck, do you want me to take that seriously?) to have been a victim of that incident rather than Autistic – which is also much less common in females, alongside aspergers, and generally less pronounced] then the GENERAL MANAGER & The Owner WOULD NEVER HAVE ALLOWED A MALE TO BE HIRED. The head coach is NOT the one that makes those decisions. She HAS NO POWER TO FIRE HIS ASS. She CAN go to the general manager and the owner if there is a problem – the HEAD COACH ONLY COACHES. There’s also the fact you made this arse an ASSISTANT sports scientist (read glorified professional massager – which is all kinds of trouble just waiting to happen) so where the fuck is the ACTUAL sports scientist. Hell you make Ivy go off on a tangent that would’ve seen any applicant with any sense state right off: Okay, I can tell I’m not actually welcome here. Good luck to you, and by the way fuck off. For the gaslighting in bringing me here under what’s obviously a false pretense, for the unwarranted attack, and the general assumption I have untoward intentions. [You do know she’s with that ONE scene, never mind every other one she’s in as long as she keeps up the attitude, opened the company up to slander allegations. Discrimination proceedings. If he does get fired, he can take them to court so damned quickly for half the shit you’ve pulled so far, it would make their heads spin * No actual professional is allowed to ask or assert half the things she did in that “interview” legally speaking and no one with any fucking sense in their heads given how desperate the situation is would have gone there. The point was to WELCOME him. Jesus fucking Christ = are you the one on the spectrum buddy? Because a BRICK should understand that] She does NOT get to say no dating the team. She does not get to say don’t you dare do anything sexual if about 3 Scenes later you show a pink haired twat in the showers MASTURBATING! (Pro tip dipshit; it might be JUST females in the space, but it’s still PUBLIC – no one with any sense is going to do that when they don’t know if they’re going to get caught, just because YOU assume every one of them in the organization is somehow a closet lesbian… Fuck. Right. Off) The binary choice to ask whether Ivy has a boyfriend or a husband = of course not. Not with her attitude. And again: ASK me if I WANT TO SEE Femdom shit. It IS A KINK. You dick. It IS CONTROVERSIAL CONTENT and it directly impedes the MALE Power Fantasy that a harem is supposed to be. Ivy is one character that doesn’t belong on the list. Whatever the fuck Phriya’s Kink is better actually be clearly explained and I’d say demotes her to not on the list. Jenny as your mom’s “best friend” (who was such a friend that she was literally EXCOMMUNICATED…) does not get to do the whole cougar I’m the one in control bit… SHE SHOULD BE ENCOURAGING MC TO BE THE ONE TO TAKE THE LEAD AND ACTUALLY FUCKING HAVE THE CONFIDENCE SHE WANTS HIM TO HAVE!!! Especially if she does suspect he’s been abused by an over-bearing anaconda of a helicopter mom. It’s fine if you want to explain that’s the SOURCE of why this fuckwit is so passive… it’s NOT OKAY to keep going with that. At all. Or to have every single female that’s SUPPOSED to be shown to want a romantic entanglement (which implies they’ll actually care about this literal social retard) take massive advantage to push him around. They should be BUILDING him up – from the second any one of them finds out about it; and PENNY being included to TELL THEM about it, would’ve actually been a good start = why the fuck is she in the game, nevermind on the list. You didn’t even give us the option to actually say we liked her, so there would be a path open for her to join later [I’m willing to entertain the notion she might take the spot of the one with the knee injury… but in that case fuck the mountain climbing and SHOW THE TWO OF THEM PRACTICING SOCCER! So that it will make actual logical sense she has any reason to bloody join the team at the college level * Suspension of Disbelief isn’t an infinite get out of corners I’ve needlessly written myself into free card…]

Seriously, put in an option of whether we want Ivy to be the Domme or the Sub. That would fix her arc. You can share that an incident has happened that makes them guarded – but doesn’t make her come off as a dick and actually makes her sympathetic to the audience. Without just assuming because it’s happened once already and some guys are assholes, it should be taken there’s automatic sympathy… and every assholish thing she says to the GUY SHE NEEDS – in more than one way frankly – should be given a pass. Take her age down to 32, with a max of 35. It doesn’t need to go farther than that. That way you have time to actually build up to the inclusion of eventually everyone in the harem is A) Okay with the idea of pregnancy and then B) WANTS to and CAN get pregnant. Without having to senselessly rush into baby crazy territory because it’s damned near too late. Get rid of SOME of Phriya’s chunk in the trunk. She doesn’t look that way in the picture rendered; so it was a bit disconcerting how wide framed you made her. (By the way – a dancer would not have that build. Make Grieselda a track and field athelete, or a former olympian female body builder; I’d believe it. A dancer… no. They need to be light framed enough that a MALE dancer is going to be able to lift her as her partner… as she stands, unless that guy is Arnold’s second cousin or the Grey Hulk… no. Just no. Do note: She IS attractive, and I don’t mind the build necessarily – the backstory needs work)

There’s also the point in a harem there’s NO NEED for “side girls.” And if you insist on the differentiation fuck the soccer field and add a second list so that we can see who clearly is SIDE CONTENT. Yet still to be considered a part of the harem. So A) Add in the WHOLE of the rest of the soccer team to the harem; including Miss I used to be a soccer player like you, until I took a left fielder to the knee (and you can fix Ivy’s current path by adding in The Owner as the ultimate I’m Untouchable – so Ivy CANNOT do a damned thing to MC, and may actually be made to SUBMIT to MC – if she wants to keep her job; wherein the MC being as soft hearted as he is can work to his advantage to “tame” her aggression by not holding her to that arrangement, and teasing that they do only when the Boss is around, so that Ivy will decide on her own she actually WANTS to surrender to him) B) Tone down the female predation, and awkward assed situations [Really, you treat the fuck like he’s some sort of sexual predator; but you make his FIRST SUGGESTION in a team meeting be Hey, let’s do a NUDE calender – oh, but please, don’t think I’m just like every other guy… WHAT. The. ACTUAL. FUCK. is wrong with you dude?] and C) re-work that whole intro so he actually feels like they WANT him to be there. Jesus. Do you want like 90% of your audience to tap out before the game gets going? Because I rage quit for a good few hours at the point Ivy did her little bipolar bullshit during that introduction interview. If this is the best character writing you’ve got to offer, it’s not going to matter if you SAY it’s a harem, and that pregnancy will be added. It’s not going to be in a way I want to see.