The Bite: Revenant [v0.9302] [madmate.games]

It’s finally out bro check it out!!

agree, this is one VN with a good story , a good rpg too with naked woman

Okay – first: Too many checks for too many skills that ALSO conflict with gaining affinity.

I understand that this probably won’t be a harem (though my stance on games that offer multiple love interests to pursue WILL NOT change in that it always SHOULD at least have the option to open such a path as an endgame if not directly be one flat out in the tags) but you don’t have to be that level of asshole to the player dude. Best example is you put the player in a position of LOSING a point of trust and affinity with Zoey to snap at her for being a helicopter parent which should be counted as entirely justified because she’s actually treating the MC like she thinks he’s a complete dumbass, and an option where you warn that IF you use your powers on “a character” [Fuck off with that whole vague thing; tell us specifically human or vampire, because she bloody hates most vampires anyway so it SHOULDN’T matter to her in that case] then you will lose a bunch of points with her. WHICH. SHOULD. NOT. BE. POSSIBLE. AT. ALL. You don’t even say how many exactly. A “bunch” tells most players Jack Shit.

Man; what the fuck is the point of having a system where you’re supposed to BUILD points with ANYONE if you’re just going to say: yeah, you know the last half an hour to an hour of reading through my half cocked story… Fuck that, doesn’t matter. You’re back to ground zero [Tied into DON’T MAKE ZOEY SUCH A BITCH TO BEGIN WITH] There’s the point that you go out of your way with Julie to A) State SEVERAL times in the MC’s head that it just won’t work (Office romances CAN in fact work very well; as long as you’re both capable of leaving the work at work and home life at home as it should be) and B) adding a needless lesbian/bi implied kiss by the vampire that turns MC JUST to make it even more questionable as to why the fuck you should bother to pursue her at all. Come on man. If you want her in the game (and I will get to what you pull with her and Jason later, do not worry) why the holy hell would you all but excise her three seconds in, just to dick around your audience about whether she CAN be pursued? That’s not going to win you any points with anyone. It certainly never did with me.

As to the skill checks, you added a cheat mode. Whoo hoo. You wouldn’t need one if you actually realized it’s better to start at a base number to all skills; let the player build the path they want, and not have the DC for any skill go past what can be earned by the choices you present, at any given god damned point. You get a LOT more replayability that way; but then again there’s not enough to the story to actually bother replaying the game as yet. You get screwed from the start, in more than one way, and the ONLY scene I’ve seen so far where Runah comes off as almost human – in a point that MIGHT lead to a conflicting love interest with her and Zoey, IF she even IS planned to be a love interest you can pursue to start with, (and she SHOULD BE DAMN IT, otherwise what was the point of rendering her attractively?) because that’s also highly questionable – she’s still treating you as now a “useful” mistake that can be her errand boy. You do not really get the choice to refuse her, and I have a feeling if you did you’re the type of dev that would just make her frenzy and murder the MC for it.

Gina and Shevuann – and could you pick a dumber name for a white girl??? – Why are they there? Other than to feed on, which you’re also cautioned NOT to do. Gah. Chevvy is a One Night Stand, that was far too random, drunken and did not need any further part in the game UNLESS THIS IS GOING TO BE A HAREM. She also straight up says she doesn’t want a commited relationship – and I shouldn’t fucking HAVE to push her into it! Gina gets as far as I’ve played the last time, exactly 2 scenes to build anything up. She’s sweet, geeky and kind, and the obvious virgin to hit all troupes. Effectively she has no point as yet. At least the Doctor has more function to build the lore, and introduce the skill tree. So what gives. You’ve put most of the focus on Zoey, and she’s obviously the favored girl. (Whether or not I’m a little tired of the thorny attitude, and the mixed messaging) There’s the Dracula’s Daughter reject who you give WAY too much physical lattitude with the MC. Especially if this IS going to ever be a harem or have that path at the end as an option to pursue. Other than that, it’s basically everyone wants to use you. You’re at the bottom of the totem pole outside of undefined “mutation” that gives you “special” status – which is frankly down to WHO TURNED YOU. And not thus far attributed to the MC themselves. Which is also not the best way to approach the point. It SHOULD be about the MC’s unstated bloodline; and him getting the boost to his vampire state BECAUSE he wasn’t who he thought – and that could be exactly why said rando powerful vampire decided to risk everything to turn him. Just saying.

As to Julie and Jason: Do NOT penalize me with the girl I just saved from the psycho stalker who fucking killed me, because I take my own vengeance upon him. Do NOT penalize me for HAVING to use my powers on her because you give the player who wants that justified vengeance, no other god damned choice. DO NOT DICK AROUND THE PLAYER ABOUT WHETHER SHE IS PURSUEABLE!!! If she’s not, again why the fuck is she even there? What is she in the game for. Because so far, the only thing she’s done is cause MC trouble and the only thing she’s GOING TO DO is PISS ZOEY OFF. There NEEDS to be a viable REWARD for all that bullshit with this character, and if you don’t understand why that is, I really cannot help you as a writer or a dev.

Beyond that, you need to decide where you want the story to actually go. Open the faction system you’ve created; focus on giving the MC opportunities to BUILD his own power. Not be everyone’s bitch boy for the rest of forever. I’d straight up just off myself, and so will your player base and subscriber count if you don’t get something cohesive together as a means to make the MC feel like the MAIN CHARACTER. As stated, in your own lore you’ve also left open the viable option for pregnancy content, so I would also go there. You probably won’t, or it’ll be blue balled to Hell and back before you do, but it’s something some of us will want.