Welcome To Hell – The Vampire Chronicles [Remastered v0.1.0] [NoobPRO Games]

The biggest reason it is getting as much hate as it is would be the harem tag; which if the author doesn’t know how one works, he shouldn’t try writing. First, there shouldn’t be married characters – or characters that fuck anyone but the MC. You should be able to break relationships to begin them with MC, as the ONLY acceptable option. Because it’s a Harem.

The symptomatic problems in the story are several fold. They do not help his case.
First being that he wants to create factions ala Vampire The Masquerade – which is NOT a bad idea. However if the idea is to introduce 3 factions with different ideologies, a rebel faction, a traditional faction and a necromantic/magic faction… and then say that the MC is looking to BUILD his own… then the MC’s faction is REALLY the ONLY faction that should count. Or flesh out the paths so that there is a benefit to going toward certain set builds. Aim for replayability overall. [It could then be counted more a dating sim, with certain women locked to set factions – but that also is convoluted and not what I’d prefer] There do not need to be so many variables. With either the factions or the Harem girls, that can be mucked up. It’ll only over complicate the code – and I would argue there REALLY should NOT be a way that MC CAN fuck up. With ANY of the girls. At all. It should only be: Do you want to boink this person for the rest of eternity, or not?

There are a few points in the story that muddle things unnecessarily. First, the GF. Who gets turned by a different clan, when frankly they DID NOT need to ever be separated. She could have been turned later, by the MC after he’d gained enough trust within his clan (which would have made a lot more sense to a retconned involvement in the LI’s personal history that was later introduced with one character) it should NEVER have been made implied that GF was either with, DTF or being fucked by ANYONE else. She does NOT need to be in a Lesbian relationship, or implied Bi. (Until MC and the Player gets to choose in a conversation choice they are okay with her being that way – it discredits her vow of loyalty, and muddies things when SHE wants to get possessive over MC; What’s good for the goose and all that) I don’t mind the rebel girl having a crush and THEN deciding to use the GF in order to soften MC’s stance on her too. A blood bond would be fine and still within the core rules this guy seems to want to use.

There’s the problem of the old ghoul. Who gets like 3 seconds of actual screen time, and while he’s nice and all, he’s effectively pointless. There’s NO reason the MC with his stated goal of getting revenge for his GF’s assumed death/or his own frankly, would throw that all away just to get back a guy who got Aunt May’d for One More Day. Fuck that. He didn’t deserve to die, and that doesn’t bloody matter. Period. It’s part of their world, and he KNEW THAT. He literally begs MC NOT to be this level of MORON. Yet the dev insists… Because. Gah. Forcing MC down the rebellious path without properly fleshing out HIS faction, or a reason to join with any of the others to GET TO THE SAME GOAL, is poor planning from a writing/structural standpoint. There SHOULD be ways to achieve the same end WITHOUT borking the MC and thus the player, for EVERY faction. That should not be a debate.

There’s the fact that MC basically cheats to gain power – and absorbs a blood ancestor (which frankly makes me think our actual MC is going to be overwritten BY said ancestor. In which case we’ve been Cyberpunked. Again. No Bueno!) * If you can’t come up with a viable reason that the MC SHOULD be the most powerful potential vampire without Diablerie, then DO NOT paint him into a corner before you’ve even let him actually GAIN any power. Jesus. It’s really not that hard not to tie an anchor to your characters’ ankles and toss them into the lake without knowing if they can even swim in the first place. There is a level of “challenge” that IS acceptable. There is a bar for progress that’s reasonable. Finding it, is more your writer’s problem. It should never be the Player’s. It should not need to become a Dues Ex Machina. (Also, it has been mentioned but good god… fix the look of the “demon” version if you insist in keeping this really, really monumentally stupid plot device – that almost guarantees the MC gets transposed by a jealous dead ancestor in the endgame. If I wanted to play a fucked up version of Heath Ledger’s Joker dude, I’d have downloaded Batman)

Introducing princes and justicars before the player really even makes any progress into the world, to get anywhere for the strength to FIGHT these people if they so choose (with a faction or not) is bad pacing. It’s putting the cart before the horse, and frankly again screwing the characters over before they even start. I don’t mind introductions for tension, but if you’re going to intro the girl in charge and make flirty stuff with her then LET. THE. MC. TURN. HER. TO. HIS. CAUSE. Full stop. There should always be an option to get out of any obstacle you put into the MC’s path. I promise we won’t care how long it takes to code, if you make the story good. The sex scenes hot (and at some point involve pregnancy – since you state in lore they aren’t bound by that particular tenat of vamprism as usual) Work on any of these points and your structure and story will improve. Work on all of them, and over time you’ll probably end up with a brilliant FO:NV style crossed with VTM:B. Hell at this rate you might even get it out before VTMB 2.

But end of the day whether you listen to me, listen to us or decide to hole up because some of us lob “mean” words, is more on you. I’d like to see the story improve, because really there aren’t that many vampire games that get continued. I’m still waiting for just one of this type to be GOOD. [In case you’re wondering, the caps words are for emphasis. Not ire. There’s a difference] It IS a harem game. It was tagged a harem game, and realy it SHOULD be a harem game. But it does take effort and forethought to do well. Like any other story. Also while I am replying to Connosuier, the comment is meant to be shared with the dev more directly. I am not in fact talking for the most part to the original poster. Whom to some extent I do agree with. Not all the way, but I believe I’ve been clear where I do. Have a nice day.