12 Goddesses [v0.10] [HKProduction]

Since for whatever reason I either didn’t post the original comment, or it was ousted I’ll say I typed both of the originals angrily. Which isn’t the best way to do any generalized review. Or warning to the audience. So let me here try to summarize my actual thoughts. This time I will try to not make things personal:

The veitnamese cultural references are fine. Though I’d argue the Kitsune being a Tsundere type are both Japanese cultural foci. So you’re already mixing the issue. The female should NEVER beat on the male lead. I don’t care what justification you use. The “lucky” pervert trope is overused; and again is more punishing to the audience than you should be going for. None of this is endearing, or generally very likely to gain you more subscribers in the long run. There is the fact you started the male as an old man; killed him off and put him in the body of another male who preferred non consent – just to kill him off twice. You also made the third body impotent. For what; A joke? Because not a freaking bit of that is funny. I question your sense of humor if you disagree. You’re also emasculating the main character FAR too frequently. Which makes it that much harder to believe he should be the MC.

You set him to an engagement in general that apparently you never meant to be kept. You’ve got far too many instances of NTR potential, one of them being the fiancee herself, since you cannot avoid breaking the engagement whether you’d want to keep it or not – AND the only one who believes in you from the start; you go off and force into a marriage. With no bracketed clue that it’s NOT going to happen. You do understand you’re writing a freaking HAREM. Do you not? Guess what does not belong in Harem content – UNLESS it is the MC doing the NTR to another assholish male. Like oh say, Kain for example. Which COULD be how you get Lilly back. After you break her into your sex doll [I’m a Scorpio, vengeance is best poetic and served cold] You have a “colorless” mage who ISN’T colorless at all. But that workaround reaches so far that it frankly would have been less of a PITA to just give him an awesome magical ability that he could build directly from to start with.

You made the guy a “genius” alchemist. Who apparently can in cutscenes get EVERY question in a 500 page exam correct; but you make the player go through minigames which are WAY too bloody fast by the way, and SHOULD be skippable with the assumption the MC wins. I do not care how many times you make the EA reference, you’re literally telling people that want to play for free to fuck right off. Not all of us can afford to support every game on these sites we might enjoy… just because they exist. Again, if it’s for humor, it’s an overplayed joke by this point. Take the constructive criticism as it stands, and recall this is a SEX GAME site. That is predominantly what 99% of your audience will be here for. Some won’t mind grinding, or working for a girl’s affections but there are degrees of patient most of us will put up with. You need to effectively balance that point. Minigames are ALWAYS more of a pain in the ass then they ever will help to flesh out anything in your game. They are never balanced correctly, and frankly they really can’t be. Because people like me exist who have fucked reflexes and will have to repeat sequences fifty times to get it right once. And there are those that can headshot some douche I have no clue how they can see in an FPS game, from a long distanced stealth position when the head’s a barely perceptible dot on the screen hidden in shadows on top of a building. It impresses the fuck out of me that they can, but I’m not going to go blind or break my controller trying to match the feat.

In the current battle arena scene; you let the MC take the lead even over the other captains (who if I get the mythology right are just as much potential claimants of divine heritage. One way or another) but the problem is that leaves WAY too many cooks in the Kitchen narratively. IF the MC is the descendant of the dragon princess and God-King boy: Do SOMETHING to prove it, reasonably soon to the audience. Because Hope could just on his own be the polarized rival and that’s fair for an end boss… but you have Pride who (goeth before the fall – I get it) is going to marry Darla potentially [and if he does I want his nuts cut off before the honeymoon begins… because it should NEVER get anywhere near the point of them being legally married] You have the monk guy who’s the most obviously skilled with the dragon spirit sword… so what the fuck is the MC supposed to do when you’ve given him a power that effectively means he’s a literal magical retard? (Held back against his will – as an effect that his powers grow much more slowly, from a mechanical standpoint. Which might be some high minded argument for WHY he is at the end, more powerful… but it’s also an incredible pain in the arse in general from a GAMEPLAY standpoint) * Again, genius alchemist that can fuck up any given minigame: But also becomes a full fledged alchemist at 18 and breaks records for it. Black soul power = Comes out colorless… so everyone thinks he’s gimped magically. Do you really not see the flaws in either narrative???

There’s the point that it’s called a Harem; but again with the potential NTR issues, it doesn’t jive. The fact that half way through earning points with the girls (which by the way would be easier if you’d MARK what responses do give what number of points – and NOT make me choose between which girls get points at what time. Because they should NOT conflict with each other mechanically. It should be an even spread so that all the girls WILL love MC in the end) it opens up “paths” which frankly sounds like there’s more than one potential way to go with them. BUT may just be hey you did well enough to “unlock” this girl. Yay? You make the MC understand he is actually born of a dragon princess; and then try to make him see if he can use that power right when he’s already tapped out. Which proves NOTHING. It’s not mysterious = He. Is. The. Main. Character!!! Of course he’s eventually going to be the God-king [The reason I ask for more direct clarification above is because so far, you’ve been treating this guy like everyone’s bitch. So at the end I don’t even know why you bothered making him the MC at all if he’s that much a joke to you] You should never put that kind of thing in question. At all. Call it an innate inborn talent that he gets because he is half dragon clan. Make it work from a different source of magic. I don’t give a toss. It does NOT get to fail. There was no reason to put his potential even more in doubt. All that does is fuck with your audience.

There’s also a few instances in the battle arena scenes where you punish the player for wanting to see the naughty scenes. Blaze isn’t even in the list – but you wrote her with plot armor, even though she’s dressed skimpy enough that there wasn’t much to leave to the imagination to start with. Dorothy doesn’t need to mention she’s got a boyfriend. If she was all that taken with the guy, she wouldn’t be letting MC get away with half the things he did. So why bother?

Other than that; the fact that the time goddess BS and impotence when on long enough to call it dead horse and the fact that literally everything and it’s dog is stronger than the MC at the moment, the story is at least engaging. Sometimes outright infuriating, as you may read from my previous comment. I’ll reserve judgement until at least the end of the contest, to decide whether or not I’ll bother downloading more. This is about as kind as I can be with constructive criticism. Though I will mention it’s at least a nice touch you went out of your way to hire voice actors (or blackmailed some female friends? o. O) some of the inflections are a little off. It can be jarring when the tone of the word is read wrong, but I understand they may not be native English speakers. At any rate, my best advice is figure out EXACTLY what you do and do not want the Main Character to be. Which one actually is, to start. Don’t just try to pull random powers out of his arse. And the 3 generations of God Alchemists to create 1 God level item (when you marked 1 slot as HIGHER than a godly item = Literally IMPOSSIBLE) is absolutely stupid. Considering how rare you say they are… there really should not be ANY god items in that case.

The factions seem like they could be interesting, and I’d say you have a fair amount you can build with so far. Pacing, and power levels shown to grow effectively will likely be your big problem. I can see each faction having it’s own version of a Harem ending, or being tied to going down a Dating Sim route with one girl to house each faction separately. Though I do still think all paths should lead to MC becoming the Dragon Emporer or whatever – Marrying Darla like he promised and she just allows him to have “concubines” since that was common in Asian cultures. For me, the most painfully frustrating part other than inclusion of minigames that counter your own stated narrative about the MC’s abilities and path you chose for us, is the fact you spend so much time trying to take the piss out of him. While marking a story that’s meant to BUILD HIM UP. You have to get the tone right in balancing, if you’re going to do both. One should be done for good reason only, and decidedly less than the other. Now, let’s see if this one goes through…